The ABCs of Oral
Maybe you think you learned everything there is to know about oral in high school or maybe you still feel totally in the dark. Either way, we’re about to shed some light on lesser known facts, tips and tricks to get you an A+ in everything oral.
This is a big one that you may have learned way back when, but most likely didn’t put into practice. We don’t want to start an article about the incredible pleasures of oral sex with a total bummer. But we’re totally going to. When it comes to penetrative sex with a new partner or one with an unknown STD/STI status, people tend to take many more precautions then they do with oral sex. Oral sex without a condom or a dam has a high risk for passing herpes, syphilis, gonorrhea, HPV and hepatitis B. So, while the age-old complaint that it “doesn’t feel as good” through latex may or may not be true, it just doesn’t matter. It’s 100% not worth the risk of messing around down there. You’re a smart cookie, so stock up on condoms, dams or both.
So now that you’re being safer, by either using protection or knowing you’ve each had up to date testing done, it’s time to get into the fun stuff. Like with any sex act, no one person is the same or enjoys the exact same things. You may think you’re the ‘master of going down’, but the only thing that makes you a true master, is being an incredible listener and being adaptable. Listen to your partner’s words (of course) but also listen to their body. Do they arch their back, or moan or thrust their body towards you? Well, chances are pretty good they’re into whatever you’re up to. Do they suddenly get a bit quiet? Check in. Just because someone is quiet, does not mean they’re bored. They may just be super focused and in the zone. But the only way to know is to communicate. So, don’t be shy, making sure your partner is having a great time is sexy, not embarressing. Don’t assume to know everything and you’ll learn a ton.
When performing oral sex on someone with a vulva, try to spend time on the clitoris, but don’t make it your sole focus. Many people enjoy full coverage, which is where the ABCs come into play. This is a sex tip you may have read in an old Cosmo as a teen, but it holds up. Spelling out either the entire alphabet (can you do it?!) or specific words, is not just a silly game, it actually has a purpose. Each letter has a unique shape that takes the tongue all over the place, hitting spots that may be otherwise ignored. Listen to your partner though, don’t just rush your way to ‘Z’. Do they go crazy for ‘S’? Hang out there a while. Sssssss.
If your partner offers enthusiastic consent to penetration, using a couple of fingers or a toy in combination with oral can be a super winning combo. Read our G-Spot guide to know how to hit the spot, but be sure to ask how it feels. Some people will love it and others might just feel like they’ve gotta pee. A more in-and-out motion may be more their speed, in which case a dildo like the Bellatrix or a Glass Wand might really blow them away.
As we covered in our Guide to Non-Penetrative Sex, some individuals might enjoy some movements more unique to their specific body. If your partner is trans masc or non-binary with a vulva, there is no one way to give oral sex. Everyone, in every sexual scenario possible, is different—but there are some unique tips to try. No matter what your partner calls it, their “dick” “clit” or “click”, it gets engorged when aroused, no different than a penis. Taking all of it in your mouth and making a bobbing motion tends to be something that is fairly widely enjoyed, especially for people who are on Testosterone and have experienced some amount of growth.
Everyone enjoys a good build up, so however you do it, take your time, tease a little, watch their body language and communicate your way to some incredible orgasms.
We hate to sound like a broken record, but we’re going to say it again. Communicate. You need to communicate everything from how deep, how wet, how fast to less sexy things, like where you want them to finish. You are under absolutely no obligation to take semen in your mouth or even on your body if that’s not what you want. If something is uncomfortable like they’re pushing too deep into your throat. Stop, communicate and decide if you want to continue.
People with penises can like being teased as well. Build up excitement with nibbles and kisses everywhere but their penis and see how they start to squirm. And never underestimate making out, if that’s something you do together.
Get comfortable. Nothing kills the mood like a cramp in your neck or sore knees. Use pillows to prop you or your partner into the perfect position before you start. Start with licks. For many people with penises, the frenulum, the underside of the penis head, can be especially sensitive. You can then move on to swirling tongue motions or taking them more fully into your mouth. If your partner enjoys a sucking motion, shape your mouth into an ‘O’ shape and allow your tongue to guide your mouth up and down until you find a good rhythm, and most important of all, don’t forget your hands. Shaping your hand into an ‘O’ with either your thumb and pointer (a-ok!) or all the fingers except your pinky, allows for you to extend the sensation and apply varying pressure. Like with many things sex-related, wetter is better for most people, so don’t be afraid to get a little spitty or grab some of your favorite lube.
Not everyone gets erect, for a multitude of reasons, ranging from taking hormones to age, injury or simply their anatomy. This is not a reflection on you and they can 100% still enjoy themselves. You just need to...what? Communicate!
Rim jobs, salad tossing, eating ass. Whatever you want to call it, analingus/anilingus is the act of performing oral on the booty. This sweet erogenous zone is full of nerve endings and a little oral attention can feel amazing. Going back to safer sex, you need to consider some additional hygiene tips when it comes to butt stuff. Showering first (or simply doing it in the shower) is step one, as there is bacteria at play here that can be transmitted easily to other orifices. If you are using dental dams, remember that it’s one per area and if not, give your face and mouth a quick wash up if you’re moving onto cunnilingus.
When it comes to technique, test out some different approaches to see what feels good. Try a mix of slow, flat tongue licks with faster, swirling motions. If your partner consents to anal penetration, start with either a small toy, like the Candy Rimmer or a finger with clean and short nails, and apply slight pressure in between licks. If your partner has a prostate, you can actually start to stimulate it externally using your tongue, by applying direct pressure to the perineum.
If you feel uncomfortable giving or receiving analingus that is absolutely, totally, 100% ok. You never need to feel like you should be into something that you just aren’t into. Try filling out our Yes, No, Maybe List with a partner, to set some ground rules about what you’re totally into, totally not into and interested in trying out. You can always change your mind at any time but it helps to open up the conversation.
While it may seem like oral requires a partner, some of the same sensations can be enjoyed totally solo. While we have yet to find a toy that accurately simulates the broad licks of cunnilingus, there are a couple of mind-blowing toys that specialize in more clitoral focus. Both the Sona and Womanizer are made to give a clit the love and attention it desires, without vibrations. The Sona uses sonic waves and the Womanizer uses air pulses, but the effect is very similar. Adding a good amount of lube may make the toy a little louder (just turn up the music) but the oral suction sensation will be increased as well.
For people with penises, a sleeve, can recreate a lot of the wet, suction sensations of oral sex. We love Flex because it also adds a swirling motion into the mix that really ups the ante. Make sure to use a good amount of water-based lube and don’t be afraid to reapply. If you’re trans masc and have either taken T and experienced some growth or are naturally a bit bigger down there, the ShotPocket is a sleeve made specifically for you. It’s wonderfully soft and squishy and with a nice amount of water-based lube, it can really offer a wonderful suction sensation. Don’t just take our word for it, read a review here.
The mind is a powerful thing, so try watching oral porn or fantasizing about oral as you use your toys and you’ll be surprised how realistic they can feel.