If you or your partner has a penis, chances are that you/they also have a prostate. The prostate’s role in your body is to make the bitter tasting fluid that is a major component of semen, but it also happens to be a major sexual hotspot. By stimulating the prostate, or "p-spot ", you can kick off some pretty mind-bending orgasms and sensations. Sounds good, right?
So let’s get started. First things first, there are some pretty serious social stigmas around enjoying anal play that we need to get out of the way. If you or your partner are a straight cis male, that doesn’t mean that all of the amazing sensations of anal play are off limits. We wish this went without saying, but: The p-spot is a sensitive area, and liking the way it feels when it's aroused has absolutely nothing to do with sexual orientation. If it feels good, it feels good—end of story! As sex educator Tristan Taormino puts it, "The roles of active initiator and penetrator are no longer solely the domain of men, nor are the qualities of receptivity and passivity for girls only." Hell yeah, now we're getting somewhere!
Because this stigma is so prevalent, it’s important that enthusiastic consent and conversation is present beforehand, so that both of you are sure this is something you want to try. If your partner is feeling shy, letting them know that it’s a turn on for you is a great place to start the conversation, but it doesn’t mean they’ll end up wanting to try it and that’s totally OK. Taking some time to prep might help you/them feel more comfortable.
So, you’re both on board and eager to explore? Great. We’re going to explain this from the perspective of one partner pleasuring another, but, with a little creativity or an amazing toy, you can totally use these tips to explore your own body.
Icicle No. 31 - a beautiful curved wand, perfect for prostate massage
Now before we start, take a look at your hands. Are they clean? Like super clean? And how about your nails? If you’re attached to having longer nails then you’ll want to ask your partner if they’re interested in exploring their p-spot with you using a curved, rounded toy, like Icicles No. 31 or the famous Pure Wand. The tissue you’re going to be stimulating is super sensitive and long nails will stop the party immediately.
Like with anything new, you’ll want to begin slow. Start with the familiar sensation of a hand job as a way to apply lube liberally to the area and to help your partner relax. If you read this journal then you already know that we’re incredibly pro-lube in pretty much any scenario, but for anal play it's a must-have, because the booty is not self-lubricating. No lube? Try another fun position tonight and come back to it once you have some. If you’re using a latex glove or a condom over your fingers, then a great quality water based lube is perfect, if not, then a silicone lube will give you the ideal slip and slide.
Many people already love their prostate being massaged and didn’t even realize they've already experienced it. By applying pressure to the perineum, you’re actually stimulating the p-spot externally. So start there, applying a little pressure in massaging swirls. This may be as far as you partner wants to go and that’s great. The whole idea is to explore together.
If you’re given the go-ahead, then slowly and gently insert a well lubed finger by first applying pressure with the pad if your finger until you feel the body relax. If you’re aware of the g-spot and how to find it, then you’ll find this next little bit extremely familiar. You’re going to gently feeling for a small, round gland about 2 inches in and towards the front of the body. Just like with the g-spot, you’ll then want to use a ‘come-hither’ motion to stimulate the area. This is the moment where things can start to feel very medical, instead of sexy, if you’re not careful. So use your other hand to stroke the penis, the inner thighs or, if you’re feeling coordinated, perform oral sex at the same time. If it feels good for your partner and they want you to continue, then try varying pressures and speeds to find just the right combo. If it’s just too much then slowly remove your finger. Many people find that they can actually reach orgasm from prostate stimulation alone, but don’t make this the goal of your first time exploring, just enjoy the ride.
If the overall experience is a positive one, then you may want to try incorporating a small, intro butt plug or a wand into your sex lives. A plug, like Bubbles, can allow you to enjoy other positions with the use of both hands, while simultaneously keeping pressure on the p-spot. (Sounds pretty good, no?!)
The Pure Plug (and it's big sister, the Pure Wand) are the gold standard of p-spot toys. This toy is perfect if you're a little more experienced with anal play and are looking for a plug with a lot of weight and substance while you stimulate the p-spot. The Pure Plugs tapered stem ensures it will stay put, but the small handle allows easy manipulation.
Remember that just because anyone is free to explore anal play, it doesn’t mean they’ll absolutely love it. Your partner might want to try again, or they straight up might not enjoy it at all, and that’s 100% A-OK. In order for a sexual relationship to grow it has to be open, so keep communicating and let your desires (and your boundaries!) be known as you discover them.