February 25, 2018

In a Sexual Rut With Your Partner? You're Not Alone

It can happen to the best and most passionate of us. A few years into a relationship, it’s a pretty common situation: the more responsibilities you have, the less time you have for sex. And even if you have time, you might be losing interest. While it may seem easier to let it continue, it’s less complicated than you think to get out of a sexual rut.

Remember, you're not alone in this—if you're feeling frustrated, chances are your partner has been feeling it, too, and it's time to reconnect.

Read on for some tried-and-true ways to get out of your head and back in the sack...

Spend some time with yourself.

You don’t need someone else to get yourself in the mood, and we all need to relax and recharge before we can give to others. Whatever makes you feel good, like meditation, extra sleep, time with friends, or masturbation, can help you feel calm and ready to spend some more quality time with your partner.

Schedule sex.

This may seem counterintuitive—an appointment is something you make with a dentist, and that’s not really sexy—but scheduling sex gives you both something to look forward to. Pencil in some time together, and you’ll find your partner popping into your head all day as the anticipation builds.

Go out!

Doing something fun and romantic like you used to do when you first started dating is a great and reliable prelude, and breaks up your usual routine. Pro tip: Instead of leaving to go to a bar or restaurant together, arrange to meet there, like you’re on a blind date. You’d be surprised how this one small change of pace can get your pulse racing.

Dispense with the formalities.

Instead of sorting the mail or making dinner the moment you get in the door, walk up to your partner and give them a long, lingering kiss. It’s easy to let sex fall to the wayside when you have other things to do, but making it your first priority, like nothing else exists, can be really, really sexy.

Engage in some roleplay.

Talk about what you like beforehand, and you’ll get to see your partner in a new light as they play a role designed 100% to turn you on. Having fun with your partner is important, so even if the captor-and-prisoner fantasy goes awry and you both end up in fits of giggles, you’ll still be having a great time.

Dress the part.

You don’t have to go all out with the lingerie and stockings, but wearing something nice that makes you feel good, will rub off on you, and your partner, in the best possible way.

Explore your surroundings.

There are plenty of places besides your own bedroom to get it on with your partner. Start with the couch, and graduate to less traditional rooms like the bathroom or kitchen. If you can, try a hotel room—you can pretend you're meeting your partner for an illicit rendez-vous. Remember, sex in public is not legal and can get you into trouble, so while some PDA is OK, wait to bone until you get inside.

Try massage.

Spending time with your partner’s body in a non-sexual way can be pleasurable for both of you, and massage can get you into a relaxing mood that can naturally lead to sex. Lover’s Oil is made with rose, cedar, jasmine, ylang-ylang, rosemary, bergamot, sage, vetiver and cardamom and is a fantastic massage oil for warming things up.

Get into (a new) position.

Swapping back and forth between the same few positions can get real old, real fast, even if they work well. You don’t have to read the Kama Sutra cover-to-cover, but taking a break from those trusty standbys and trying something new could be refreshing, and you might be surprised by what feels good.

Watch some porn.

Not everybody feels comfortable sharing their porn habits with their partner, but it can be super freeing to show them what you like and act out some of your favorite fantasies together.

Use toys!

Maybe you only use toys in private, or your partner’s never tried them, or you’re both fans and looking to add to your toy box. Either way, using a vibrator, dildo or even a new lube in the bedroom is one of the best, easiest ways to improve your sex life, and no special skills are required to try. If you’re not sure how to start, check out this post.