Mutual Masturbation | Cumming Together...Apart
We tend to trick ourselves into thinking that masturbation is something that has to be done alone. And while there are plenty of good reasons to get down by your lonesome, masturbating with a partner can be an intimate way of showing each other what you really love. Think of it like a sexy show and tell. It’s important to note that like with any sexual act, masturbating in front of a partner totally requires their consent first. However, if it is something you’re both interested in trying, you’ll be opening your eyes to just what makes your partner’s toes curl. There are a ton of reasons you might want to give mutual masturbation a whirl, here are some of ours...
Open Your Mind
We don’t need to limit our idea of sex. Whether you’re physically unable, or completely disinterested in penetration or oral sex, or just bored with your routine, showing your partner what you do alone can spark new ideas of how to creatively please each other. You can take turns showing while the other watches, or go at it in unison. There’s no wrong way to explore so long as everyone is comfortable.
Boost Intimacy
There is a certain vulnerability required to show someone else what you’ve previously considered private and the feeling will be mutual. Giving each other a front row seat to such a special show requires a great deal of trust. You’ll most likely find it easier to express your desires moving forward after having shown them what you like firsthand.
Learn Something
People don’t come with instruction manuals, but this is pretty darn close. Take note of what really seems to get them going and, if it’s something you feel comfortable doing, try to think of ways to incorporate it into your sex life moving forward. While we always encourage a great deal of conversation and checking-in as part of a healthy sexual relationship, some people are just more comfortable showing rather than telling. Maybe you don’t know how to explain a certain spot you love stimulating—rather than telling them “a little to the left” you may find it easier to show them.
Demystify Your Toys
If toys are a big part of your solo sex life, don’t be afraid to incorporate them. Even if you and your partner already use toys together, seeing just how you like to use them when you’re alone can be incredibly eye-opening, not to mention a huge turn-on. If you’ve never used a toy with a partner before and want to, try reading our piece on introducing toys into partnered sex.
Talk It Out
You might find yourself feeling initially shy of letting out all the “ooo”s and “ahhh”s you might want to be making. One way to help break the ice is to start talking, whether you’re telling your partner how much they’re turning you on or (if you’re both comfortable with it) initiating some kind of fantasy or dirty talk. This is especially helpful if you’re video chatting, which brings us to…
Stay Connected
It’s 2018, who says you need to be in the same room to have sex? If you and a partner spend time away from each other, either traveling or just in apartments across town, try mutual masturbation on video as a way to feel connected, even when you physically aren’t. It’s like next level sexting.
Mutual masturbation will not be everyone’s cup of tea and that’s A-ok! Open up about what turns you on and always check in with a partner to make sure they’re on board before you start. Try using our Yes, No, Maybe List to see where you and a partner stand on wants and desires and have fun discovering together.
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