Delayed gratification is an important skill to learn as an adult. If you can resist a smaller, more immediate reward and get a larger, more satisfying reward later—well, isn’t it obvious which one you should choose? Saving your money for a big thing instead of spending it on a bunch of small things, or working long hours to get that big promotion, you're basically doing your future self a solid.
Orgasms are one of the most difficult-to-resist rewards for our brains. Especially when you’re masturbating, with nobody else around, why not just...let yourself cum? It feels good, right? But what if it could feel even better?
Edging, or orgasm control, is a technique used to delay orgasm for an extended period, maintaining a high level of arousal just shy of a climax. For those who practice edging, sexual sensation and orgasm are reported to be much, much more pleasurable, almost euphoric—now that’s a reward we’d wait around for.
Practiced solo or with a partner, edging is an incredible way to not only improve sexual sensation, but to get to know your limits and the interior of your own sexuality in a more intimate way. You know that ‘plateau’ feeling when you’re having sex or masturbating, where you’re not gonna cum yet, but you know it’s coming pretty soon? That’s the place you wanna stay while edging, until you can no longer resist the urge to have an orgasm.
When it comes to your own sexuality, you are the expert—you know exactly what turns you on, from fantasies to positions to sensations. Edging can not only help you to experience more pleasure, but to increase the amount of time you can last with yourself or a partner, and learn to experience multiple orgasms. If you like, start with a slow, sensual genital massage with some lube. Light a candle or give yourself a little massage. Remember, you're taking your time, so just relax and enjoy what you're doing without rushing toward orgasm.
Stimulation with vibrators is sometimes too strong or too targeted for edging—it’s almost too easy to let yourself go all the way! For this kind of extended play, we recommend two unconventional, touch-free toys, the Lelo Sona and the Womanizer Liberty. While both these toys work differently—the Sona with sonic waves, and the Liberty with pulses of air—they both deliver a more diffuse kind sensation that's irresistible, but possible to ride out for a longer period of time.
With a partner
Edging is best practiced between partners who know and trust each other, in a form known as tease and denial. A partner who knows what you like (and don’t like!) is well suited to the task—one partner takes the other right up to the edge of an orgasm, then takes a step back and allows them to cool down a little before starting in again.
It’s always best to give verbal consent and affirmation, but pay careful attention to your partner’s body language, too. Are they gripping the sheets, rocking their hips, curling their toes? Ease up and reduce the speed, pressure or intensity of the stimulation, allowing the sensation to ebb.
Remaining in this highly aroused state is an incredibly bonding experience for both partners. For the one giving, they may feel amazed at the intensity of their partner’s orgasm and that they were able to help give them that much pleasure. For the one receiving, there is a vulnerability not unlike submission, where you give up control over your orgasm to a partner and trust them to take you to that level (and obvs an amazing orgasm at the end). Definitely a beautiful thing, and like nothing else! If you are both down, try taking turns as the more dominant and more submissive partner, and let your pleasure be your guide.