Good sex can be amazing for your self-esteem, but how does a boost in self-esteem improve your sex life? How we feel about ourselves and how we feel about sex are influenced by a multitude of variables, but how we feel about ourselves while having sex is something worth taking a look at. How do you usually feel when you’re masturbating or having sex with a partner? Powerful? Attractive? Shy? Embarrassed? Maybe it changes from position to position. You can feel sexy and alluring in reverse cowgirl, and completely self-conscious receiving oral sex, it’s totally normal. We want you to feel amazing about your incredible self every time you get down, so here are a few tips for feeling yourself next time you’re feeling yourself.
Understand That ‘Normal’ Does Not Exist
An overwhelming number of vulva owners feel completely uncomfortable with how theirs looks (or have never actually looked at it) and worry that it’s not ‘normal’ or even that it’s ‘ugly’. This is a total and complete shame, and can lead to everything from needing the lights off to turning down oral, to even having a hard time getting comfortable with hands-on masturbation. The fact that mainstream porn tends to cast a certain ‘style’ of vulva certainly contributes to these concerns, but we’ve got some great news! The lovely mind behind Romantic Pornography and AudiblePorn created a Tumblr called Labia Love. Equal parts Tumblr porn and medical textbook, this awesome blog is dedicated to showing a much wider variety. With the tagline “Stop genital anxiety - large labia, small labia - it's all good!” We’re here for it. Take a few moments and peruse and we guarantee you’ll quickly realize that there are even more shapes and sizes out there than you could have even imagined.
Get Up Close and Personal
Have you ever really had sex with yourself? Not by yourself but with yourself. Being really present and enjoying and experiencing your own body during masturbation can make a lot of people initially uncomfortable, but it’s totally worth getting out of your comfort zone for. Next time you’re solo, grab a large mirror or set your laptop on PhotoBooth and really watch yourself. Let you turn yourself on! You might feel goofy at first, but you might also be surprised by just how much you get into it. Try not to focus on things you don’t like and try to find at least 3 things that look great. Maybe your cheeks get rosy in a way you never knew about, or the way you bite your own bottom lip turns you on. Knowing how hot you look while you’re engaging in sex with yourself can help quiet your insecurities when you’re having sex with someone else.
Dancing With Myself
Again, this might be something that makes you feel like a total goofball, or maybe you already throw solo bedroom dance parties on the regular. Put on whatever music makes you feel sexy, be it dancehall, Bieber or Rod Stewart (we’re not here to judge 😉) and just dance. Dancing puts us back in touch with our bodies, gets our circulation flowing and releases tension. It’s no coincidence that it’s called ‘getting your groove back’. Whether you dance in all your clothes or totally naked (we totally recommend the latter), just really let yourself go. Literally dance like nobody’s watching…cause they aren’t!
Take selfies to the next level by taking sexy pics for yourself to enjoy. These photos are just for you—if you decide to share them later that’s your call, but the idea is take take photos that you love, not photos you think someone else will love. Maybe you’ll have all of your clothes on (sex and nudity don’t need to go hand in hand) or maybe you decide to try that yoga pose you’re proud of yourself for mastering...buck naked. Don’t just take one photo, focus on all your flaws and get discouraged. Take a ton and keep the ones that make you feel amazing.
One of the best ways to feel incredible in both your mind and body is to put in the effort to woo yourself first. Go out for your favorite food and bring a book you love—no one thinks it’s weird or sad, they’re too engrossed in the uncomfortable Tinder date they’re on. Afterwards, take a bath, light some incense, and play some music. When you get out of the tub, take a moment to really give yourself a nice massage, appreciating everything you love about your body and letting go of the things that you’re working on seeing differently. No one really experiences total and complete self-love and that’s not even the goal. Just be a bit more loving, generous and gentle with yourself.
We’re fairly confident that you’ll be seeing yourself in a new light. Feeling physically confident with yourself puts you in a totally shifted mindset when it comes to sex with others. You can focus on enjoyable sensations, play and exploration instead of worrying about what your boobs look like from that specific angle (they look amazing btw!). So invest a little time in showing yourself just how sexy you really are.